Love Is Immortal...

At long last, we had reached the wedding day -- an experience unlike anything we've ever known. By comparison, Hindu weddings make Western weddings look like brief, bland, boring facsimiles of a real wedding -- like a quick trip through a drive-through Vegas wedding chapel, without the Elvis impersonator!

How to describe the experience? We'd been warned that the entire day is best summed up as "organized chaos." To that I would only add, "visually rich, delightful organized chaos."

Forget your idea of a solemn affair where the congregation looks on, passive and silent.

Instead, imagine a mash-up of Bollywood musical, Hollywood red carpet, Chinese opera, three-ring circus, family reunion, and WWF wrestling -- you're now getting a pretty good idea of the overall ambience. It is a day infused with noise, happy chattering voices, thudding drums, whoops of joy, bowls of fire and blaring smoke alarms -- just amazing sensory overload. Oh yes, and a couple is joining their lives somewhere in the thick of all the that, too!

The day began early -- we were up and ready to drive to the wedding venue with our Indian wedding clothes in hand by 7:30 a.m. Kavita's good friend Anj was kind enough to give us a lift in her Smart Car (as tiny as a clown car, but amazingly roomy inside). We zipped over to the venue and joined a crush of cousins and aunties all getting dressed in the Ladies room. A note about wedding finery: This is a luscious parade of fabric and intricate hairdos and bling. We were so fortunate to be able to borrow lovely, lovely clothes from Priya's family, with the aid of our personal stylist, Kavita! Sarah rocked the house in a gorgeous cornflower blue sari with a fuschia-colored trim. I felt like queen for the day in an amazing turquoise satin suit with ornate champagne-colored trim -- a fitted jacket that fastened in the front with hooks and eyes and a long, sweeping skirt that was gored for maximum skirt swirl. Getting ready in a group took us back to college days of dressing up for formal dances with dormitory friends -- it adds to the shared excitement.

Once dressed, Sarah's friend Diane Ellis showed up, as if on cue. Sarah and Diane were artfully arranged in their saris (safety pins are an Indian girl's best friend) and we all found our seats in the main room -- a large conference center-sized space with a red carpet running down the middle aisle. A massive golden arch anchored one end; the aisle was studded with pillars topped with golden Ganeshes. Before us, the wedding altar was set up on the raised stage -- gilded pillars held the Mandap, a wedding canopy where the couple would sit, facing each other. To either side was seating for immediate family.

The ceremony actually began a week earlier, with ceremonies and singing in the bride's and groom's homes, offering prayers to Shri Ganesh to remove any obstacles and bless the union. On this day, the actual Hindu Vedic ceremony was conducted in ancient Sanskrit by a Mahraj, a Hindu priest. Things got rolling when word filtered through the crowd that the groom was arriving. Priya's mother, sisters and cousins assembled before the stage, with Kavita balancing a beaded ornament atop her head (the coconut?) Suddenly, the sound of drums rumbled through the hall, a primitive, inviting beat. Everyone pushed outside to find the groom, Chet, emerging from a car, where he was greeted like a Bollywood celebrity. Flashbulbs popped like field artillery as he was met by Priya's sisters, who led him back into the hall. There, everyone paused before the great golden arch -- just a crush of family and guests all craning to see. The drums were beating frenetically as Priya's sisters and cousins began dancing and clapping and whooping, in a loud, dramatic welcome. Soon, the women in Chet's family began to answer their call, a raucous throwdown of happy noise. Finally, Kanchan (MOB) formally greeted the groom, bestowing her blessings. Only then did they let him pass through the archway and slowly work his way down the aisle, along with the crowd, which was talking away as if at some kind of gigantic social hour.

No somber organ music. No quiet processional. This was a decidedly joyful noise.

Then, just as Chet and his family began to ascend the stage, it seemed that a fight was breaking out. Truly! It was a real rugby scrum, unfolding before our eyes, as the Visavadia sisters -- with their elegant coifs and gorgeous dress -- began scrambling in earnest to steal Chet's shoes! If successful, we were told, then Priya would rule their household. If not, then Chet would be the dominant person in their relationship. So there was a bit on the line!

It was a crazy, screaming scene -- a wriggling ball of humanity, true wedding dogpile, down-and-dirty schoolyard scuffle, with legs and elbows flying and people tumbling off the stage steps. For a moment, I thought that fists might fly! But it was all in laughter and good fun.

(Note: Don't get in the way of those Visavadia girls, I'm just sayin'!)

Once on stage, Chet sat beneath the canopy, with his family behind him. All the while, the priest was on stage, engrossed in preparatory rituals with the bride's parents. You really couldn't see or hear what he was doing, as the crowd noise and wedding photographers made it next-to-impossible. The conclusion of these preparatory tasks signified that they were ready to give their daughter away and that Chet was ready to take her as his wife.

Then, Chet's family stood, unfolding an ornate, white blanket and holding it up in front of Chet, who hadn't seen Priya all week. It seems that he was not meant to see the bride until she was seated across from him -- talk about building the suspense!

As if on cue, Priya's cousins and aunties came out to line the central aisle, tossing flower petals as Priya glided past, escorted by her oldest maternal uncle. Her sari was just jaw-dropping -- a deep green fabric with intricate and effusive beadwork. Her hands bore elaborate mendhi designs, her makeup was flawless. She was utterly regal -- inhabiting a serene place somewhere far beyond beautiful.

She, too, ascended the stage, taking her place in a chair directly across from Chet. Only then, did the priest cue his family to drop the satin blanket that had been blocking his view. Talk about theatrical build-up! (Diane joked that she was a little disappointed that they hadn't also produced a rabbit!)

The couple exchanged huge garlands of red and white flowers fashioned into massive necklaces, then Priya's parents symbolically place her hands into Chet's, effectively giving her away. Next, Chet's scarf/shawl was tied to Priya's sari -- the knot symbolizing wedlock.

But the show was just beginning! Next, it was time for a little fire!

The Hindu priest kneeled to light a (okay, it wasn't small!) fire, symbolic of Lord Vishnu, offering prayers seeking illumination of mind, knowledge and happiness. The rest of the ceremony would be conducted around this fire, which was considered a divine witness.

Chet and Priya then walked four times around the fire, stopping on each circuit to touch a stone in their path with their right foot, taking from the stone its strength and solidity into their marriage. Chet led the first three rounds (symbolizing attainment of enlightenment, prosperity and love), while Priya led the final round (representing attainment of liberation).

At some point, a blaring smoke detector went off, adding to the overall din. But it was quickly attended to by one of Priya's uncles, who all worked together like a well-oiled piece of machinery to see this day go off without a hitch...

Next, the couple took seven symbolic steps together, symbolizing their journey through life together. They also vowed to each other: nourishment, strength, prosperity, knowledge, family, harmony and friendship. Then, Chet gingerly anointed the center of Priya's forehead with red vermillion powder (sindoor) and placed a necklace traditionally worn by married women as a gesture of his everlasting esteem and respect.

Now, the entire time these loving rituals are being carried out, is the audience quietly looking on? No way! They're chatting up a storm, catching up with old friends, murmuring funny stories and checking out the sari two rows over, jumping up and down and running to the stage to catch candid photos, setting up tables before the stage with boxes to accept cash wedding gifts (complete with volunteers who recorded the offerings right there and then in a large ledger), and generally having a terrific time. In essence, the Wedding Party had started long before the wedding was over.
At one point, Priya's adorable grandfather wandered up, took our hands, eyes shining, and firmly announced: "Love is Immortal!" No kidding. You've got that one right, grandpa!
This was so far from a staid Western wedding. In fact, in exasperation, the priest finally took the microphone and firmly asked the audience to put a lid on it. Or words to that effect. Where we sat, a young boy happily amused himself by tossing a paper airplane around. Organized chaos at its finest!

On stage, Chet and Priya were breaking their wedding fast by feeding each other an Indian sweet, symbolic of their first meal together as a married couple. In the audience, I would be surprised if a majority of the guests could see it happen. The entire time, the ceremony was being recorded by a crowd of no less than three professional photographers, as well as a videographer. Today was truly all about the Kodak moment!

As women from the bride's and groom's families whispered religious blessings into Priya's ear to guide her into married life, you couldn't help but wonder if she could even hear them. But there were clearly no hard feelings. This is what everyone had come to expect at a wedding. No problem.

The Mahraj ended the ceremony by blessing the couple. Already, people were queueing up for the buffet luncheon!

We only knew the ceremony had concluded when someone announced that family photos would begin. Before we had changed clothes, we were invited up on stage for a photograph with the happy couple -- a real privilege! 

After quick goodbyes, we changed clothes and loaded our (considerable) luggage into a Ford Fiesta that Diane had rented to haul us to The Cotswolds. On our way out the door, the wonderful uncles insisted that we grab some take-away (carryout) plates of the catered wedding luncheon for our trip -- the food was, naturally, magnificent.

It was hard to leave these friendly faces that we had grown to adore in such a short time. So many emotions.
We drove away saturated with lovely sounds and images, heads swimming with the colors of the day, feeling privileged, indeed, to have been granted the access and education we had enjoyed, and destined for a setting that couldn't be more different than the one we had just witnessed...